Many of us fail to live up to our potential. We have dreams and goals, but life gets in the way and we end up stuck in an unfulfilling job or a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. Does this scenario sound familiar?

Self-sabotage is repeating the same behaviour, over and over, yet expecting a different result. It’s a conflict between what we want and what we think we deserve. Sometimes we are aware of what we are doing, but often it’s a sub-conscious thing. Women are especially good at self-sabotage. We dream of a high-flying, fulfilling career, yet we stay in a dead-end job that’s “safe” because we are afraid of failure.

In part, self-sabotage is a safety mechanism. If you don’t push the envelope, you are not going to be disappointed. Take, for example, women who are afraid to go for the promotion in the workplace. They say they want to advance their careers, but in truth, they are too nervous to voice their opinion in case other people see them as too pushy. Unfortunately, this leaves them in the same job as opposed to advancing.

The good news is that you can change negative behaviours and achieve your potential.

1. Keep a Journal
Think about why your career, relationship, finances, etc. are stuck. Write your musings down in a journal. The act of writing often releases our inner-most thoughts. You can use these revelations to guide you going forward to a more fulfilling life. Your journal is a place to express your thoughts and feelings. You are free to write anything you like – nobody is judging you.

2. Identify Your Self-Sabotaging Behavioural Patterns
Eliminating self-sabotage behaviour requires a degree of emotional awareness. Look closely at what you do and why. Unless you recognise the triggers that keep you stuck in one place, it will be very difficult to change your self-limiting behaviours.

3. Be Kind to Yourself
Low self-esteem is a common cause of self-sabotage. For example, a promotion comes up at work and you have the skills to do the job, but forget to notify management you’re interested. Why? Because deep down your subconscious does not believe you can do it.

Insidious voices inside your head telling you that you’re not pretty enough or not smart enough are good at destroying any shreds of self-worth and confidence you have. They serve to keep you in a low-risk job and a relationship that doesn’t satisfy.

To change this behaviour, you need to start being kind to yourself. Every day, say something nice to your reflection in the mirror. It will feel strange at first, but in time, this little trick will change the way you think about yourself – in a positive way!

4. Embrace Fear
Living the life we want involves taking risks. Say, for example, you dream of becoming an entrepreneur, but the voice inside your head tell you that it’s too risky, you don’t have the money, and besides, you’re not that smart.

Sure, there will be obstacles, but don’t let a fear of failure hold you back. Identify the obstacles and find solutions. It may not work out, but every failure is a learning experience.

Treat yourself with compassion and be your own advocate. You are an amazing person, so start living the life you want!

Own Your Goal!

p.s I’d love to hear your take on this topic. Leave a comment below.…

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